“Forgiveness is never easy. Bitterness is easy, Hatred is easy. But forgiveness, that’s a tough one. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean or do things they can’t take back. We’re all afraid of something. But in the face of great despair, what we have done is who we are. But what we have done is not who we will be.”—
"Do you ever wonder how different everything would be if you had never met the one who changed it all?"
Yes, all the time. Today I thought about this for a little while. I don’t think I would have ever fully come out of my shell, I don’t think I would have made my last year of high school as incredible as it was, I know for sure half the experiences I had wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t have laughed or cried or hurt or loved nearly as much. But in the end some things are worth it. All the blood, sweat, and tears were worth it. Because if I never went through it, I wouldn’t be me right now. And I’m happy with a lot of the things I look back on. So I think everything would have been different, in a not-so-good way.
“There is something between us but it’s not real. It’s the past. It’s a moment in time where we both were once. A moment that meant a lot to us then, a time we’ve both often wished we could revisit, but I think maybe that’s only because our lives now aren’t going the way we want them to, not because we still have feelings for each other.”—
“You know what hurts most? The seconds in the morning where you’ve just woken up, and for those mere precious seconds, you’ve forgotten the reasons you’re unhappy; the reasons you’re so broken. And then it hits you again, like a stab to the heart, and you remember all the reasons you didn’t want to wake up. Yeah, that hurts.”—
just want to say.. helping yourself is GOOD. doing things to make your life better is GOOD. i hate giving out too much information about myself, but i got help today with a problem i have. i took the first steps to getting some sort of help, and even though nothing has come of it yet, i started the process and i feel a little lighter already. and a little sad cuz i wish i did it sooner. but that’s just how things played out.
i’m beginning to feel hopeful and optimistic about the future. for the first time in a long time. that’s a GREAT thing.
(just to elaborate on when i said “i hate giving out too much information about myself”: i really do hate it. cuz for one i’m not an attention whore who says personal things about myself to get people all concerned or like ommggg, y’know? i don’t want that. or for people to think i’m self-centered. just writing down everything, like specific details, really help piece together thoughts in my head when a million things are running through my mind. it’s a stress reliever for sure.)
why are the things that aren’t good for you the hardest to let go of? maybe because they made you feel intense feelings? idk. i think i like not being treated 100%. cuz i guess i think i don’t deserve to be treated that way.
it’s hard when you realize the thing you want may not be what’s the best for you. this blog isn’t going anywhere, just had a few thoughts i needed to let out.
i think i’m beginning to realize that certain things are never going to go away and stop bothering me. ever. and that makes me sad. things used to be so different with me, i just don’t feel like myself anymore.
today is just a really off day. i’m going to go nap now.