part of me ..♥

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i was talking to someone yesterday, and they said they don’t go on facebook too much cuz when they go on they do things they shouldn’t do (creep) and then they get mad. lol. i feel like that goes for me too. i mean we all creep on facebook, whether you’re gonna admit it or not is another story. but we all do! and then i find things i wish i hadn’t seen and then i get pissed off. ugh it’s so true.

another thing i’ve said before is that you can’t have a relationship and facebook. there’s so much shit on facebook from years and years ago, and it’s never gonna go away. like i’ve seen random comments my boyfriend has left other girls like YEARS ago, before we even knew each other, and it pissed me off! there’s so much random things on my end too that i’ve commented to people. and it will always be there. i guess my problem is that i don’t take into account that it happend, oh idk, 3 YEARS AGO and not YESTERDAY. i hate facebook, it makes me crazy.

i made a deal with myself this morning: i’m gonna cut down on how often i go on facebook, and today i wouldn’t go on at all. hah, guess how many times i’ve been on today? moreee times than i can count. and it’s especially hard when you’re at school bored to death with nothing else to do :( so i guess today wasn’t the best day to try and start that.

i do notice though that on weekend, i don’t go one facebook. maybe once the whole weekend. so i guess i’m not as addicted as i thought, i go on the most at school when i’m bored. i wouldn’t even go so far as to say i’m addicted.

i read an article about there being such a thing as ‘facebook depression.’ i can believe it honestly. what kid in high school wants to see pics of amazing party that they weren’t invited to? or your boyfriend/girlfriend’s lovey dovey comments to their exes? i understand it, how some people could have facebook depression.

i don’t have facebook depression. i’m also not addicted to facebook. BUT i do need to cut down on how often i go on. so starting now, i’m not going back on facebook for the rest of the day.

i don’t know why it’s so hard for me to move on from things sometimes.  especially things that don’t matter?  like why should the same thing bother me for like a year and a half?  something that’s mostly made up in my head.  that makes me sound crazy.. like you know how something happens and then you think about it more and start being like “oh well what if it happened like this?” or “what if that happened too?” and then what ends up bothering you is not the facts of what happened, but the things that you come up with in your head when you think about it. ugh.  maybe it’s just me but idk.

i’m trying hard to live in the moment, and not in the past.  it’s hard for me not to look to the past and have regrets and be like oh i wish i did this and this.  i definitely look to the past too much, and want old times back.  and think that what happened in the past with other people matter in the present. 

one thing in particular when i think about the past: why did i look so gross in high school? like seriously, would it have killed me to pick up a flat iron or not wear those fuckin huge sweaters? like seriously, what was i thinking. oh well, you live and you learn right.

the past exists in my head everyday.  and not good things about the past.  not even my past! fuck.  i sound mental.  but i was looking through old pictures i have yesterday.. really can’t believe how young we all looked.

i’m gonna keep trying to live for now and not wish for yester-year.  cuz right now is really all that matters right.  so that’s my promise for the day: to make a sincere effort to live for now, not think about the past, and to generally just be happier.

Told you there would be another post today.

I go to Sheridan.  And I mean.. I like my program.  I’m totally satisfied with it, I’m doing well, like no complaints about that.  But at the same time I hate being here!  Last term I made a lot of friends, and I looked forward to come to school.  This term I only have ONE class with ONE of my friends.  Only one.  So I never see any of my other friends anymore cuz we all have different schedules, and it just sucks.  Like so hard.  I made new friends this term, but they’re not in all my classes either.  Like the only friend that I made this term that I would actually hang out with is never here.. so on days (like today) where I have 2 classes with a huge time gap in between, I’m alone.  So that’s basically every Thursday and Friday.  I like being by myself sometimes here, cuz I can do whatever and do pointless shit on my computer.  But I feel like I’m always alone here.  My boyfriend goes here too, and he’s on co-op right now.  So I don’t see him here this term.  Honestly I’m the biggest loner ever.. is it just me?  I just can’t wait for this semester to END.

Hello tumblr.  I’m Nicole and this is my first blog post.  I used to blog on myspace every single day when I had it, which was forrrreverrrr ago.  So I have a feeling these posts are going to be awkward for a little while.  I haven’t written or posted anything personal about myself in a long time.  Except status updates.  But those don’t count really, they’re only like a line or two.

Not too sure what to write about.. but since I have a two hour break in between classes today (and I’m here till 6PM -_-!) I think it’s safe to say that this won’t be the only post I’ll make today.

Well I’m in college.  I live in Canada.  I have a sandwich for lunch.  I plan on downloading music on my break.

LOL ok ending post one… now.